Sick of It!!

Being a parent should entitle you to time with your child, job or no job. Why get 10-11 hours of sleep when you can cut 3 hours off of that and have 4 hours instead of just 1 with your daughter?? I would think time would be more important than getting sleep. I am just interested to see how you would be of no sleep for 6 1/2 months, I bet you would be more considerate of the fact that I am exhausted. I do everything around the house. I raise this baby now pretty much by myself. I have to clean up after you like I am your mother, it's like I have two kids. We as a family need more of your time. She may not know the difference yet when it comes to how much time you really do spend with her, but she will and its not fair to her right now. She deserves you more than an hour out of a whole day! You as a father should want to spend more time with her also. There is no need to get as much sleep as you do, it's only a nursing home, I'd understand if you were pulling 12 hour shifts and/or running around an ER all day but you aren't. Just because I do not have a "job" that I make money from, I know damn well you wouldn't, more like COULDN'T do what I do all day. Think of that next time you want to sleep your families time away. I mean, I am so proud of you for finding a job, but I thought you were going to be able to handle your responsibilities as a father and as my "boyfriend". Last time I checked, I am not in this alone. You have to think about it from my point of view, in one whole week, I get a 3 hour break from her....think about all that stress. Add in the house, your parents, being stuck at home 24/7 with no time to myself. It's sad that I have to choose sleep or "Mommy Time", I need both. If I don't have sleep, I will be exhausted and moody. If I don't get "Mommy Time", I think I will go completely insane. I don't think you understand what it takes to be a stay at home mother and home-maker. You take me for granted and I am sick of it!!

Stealing my own Car?!?

Tonight came down to me and my Fiance having to steal out our car haha. We had just got done with dinner with Zeraea at Outback Steakhouse, and we were just about to our car and he realized that our car keychain that unlocks the car and turns off out alarm's battery died! BAD, cause that means we can't unlock it now without setting off the alarm. So as Zeraea and I sat away from the car, he unlocked the drivers door with the key and the alarm started going crazy! He tried for awhile to find the alarms killswitch, but couldn't find it. The funnest part of the evening is every time the car would stop, he'd move inside the car (while looking for the killswitch) and it would go off again and again.

We had two choices, spend $200 to get our car towed back to our house, or to drive it home with the alarm blaring. We chose to drive it home with the alarm still screaming haha. I can only imagine what people thought as we pulled out of Outback and drove down the rode! The whole time my Fiance was sounding like a real car jacker "We should stick to the back roads" blah blah blah, I was just sitting in the back with my daughter laughing. It was priceless to me, definitely worth a few laughs. We were hoping not to get pulled over and be given a ticket. But nope, we made it home after 15 or so minutes and the adventure was over!

What made this all nice, is Zeraea. She was being so great through all of this and all of dinner. The whole time we were eating dinner, she sat in her carseat and just played with one of my bracelets. It was adorable! :) What a great night!!

What do I have to do for some respect??

I believe that if you show respect to someone, you deserve it back. Period. This man, I have respected and trusted for 2 years now, who is family disrespected me tonight and I take it personally. I have done nothing but do as he asks, listen to him when he speaks, help him with whatever he needs help with, yet here I am writing about this when I should be sleeping. I am the type to not be able to sleep when I am angry, so I began painting the kitchen (the topic that led to the disrespect!).

I live with my once Fiance, now boyfriends parents and I have decided to re-do their kitchen for them and get it updated. Well with a 6 month old, it makes it hard to find time to finish it, so I finish whatever I can when I can. But it isn't good enough!

Person: So, when are you gonna do some work on this Kitchen?
Me: It's hard to do it with Zeraea (my daughter).
Person: No, it isn't.
Me: Yes, it is. I can't have her in here when I do it with the strong paint fumes, so when I have her nothings going to happen.
(Person walks out of the kitchen and begins going into the bedroom)
Person: You fucking stay up all night anyway.

May not sound to bad to you, but I find cussing disrespectful when used in that manner. I didn't give any attitude, say anything wrong to deserve a comment like that. And the comment was false, my Fiance and I were up at the time because we had to wake up and do the dishes before morning, not because we stayed up all night! I never once talked to this person in a disrespectful manner, or cussed at them. I do everything to try to make sure this person is happy since they have done some much for me and my family, and if this person isn't happy, I try to fix whatever it is, so this person can be happy. Again, not good enough. It's hard to keep my mouth shut to this person!! UGH!

A little respect is all I ask, if you can't give it then don't expect it back!

Dirt and Grime!

My 3am adventure was cleaning the bathroom. I have one word to describe it, DISGUSTING! I don't know how 5 people can step on such grimy floors everyday and not notice the brown hiding the once white grout! I am here to help with bathroom cleaning with only two tools! If you ever wondered how to get that suborn dirt hidden in your grout, this will help! You gotta see these before and afters!

What you will need: (This is what I prefer at least, works great!) :


Before And After















Before And After














Before And After
















Need any advice or help! Comment :)

Kick Starting a Blog!

Kick starting a blog is hard work! haha I never really thought about how much work promoting a blog could truly be, until now that it. Just joined a blogging forums for Mommies, love it so far its http://www.bloggymoms.com/ Check it out!

There is SO many different blogs about TONS of different things, today I found a few blogs that I would actually enjoy reading when I have the time. Its interesting to see what people think about :)

Little Things Can Make a Huge Impact!

As of a week ago, I started re-painting the kitchen. Walls are now a Toasted Chestnut color, which brings out the color in our kitchen counters, BIG upgrade from the plain white walls stained throughout the years! The cabniets are slowly becoming white and beautiful compared to the beige off-white like color. So far it is great to see the outcome but man is it a hard and long job especially if you have to care for a little one. I get bits and pieces done here and there, I wish there were more hours in a day!! I can't wait to see it all finished and I bet everyone else in the house can't wait either :)

Zaiden Alexander's 2nd Birthday!

Today was Zaiden's 2nd birthday. It's hard to believe it has been that long. Today wasn't only about him, and losing him. It was about David, and Ray too. Even though it's been two years already, it feels like yesterday when I actually think about it. And it hurts. Everything in those 5 months was pain.

I remember the initial feeling when I lost him. It is almost hard to explain. It's this feeling like suddenly the world just caved in on itself, like everything ceased to be alive. In that moment he took his last breath, it was like a piece of my heart stopped along with his. I'll never get that piece to pulsate alive again. It's forever dead. I mean, I knew it was going to happen. He was just too small, too fragile and sick. There was nothing the doctors could do, if anything hooking him up to all those machines would have caused him more pain than just having him in my arms till he passed. I do not regret the decision I made, I made the best decision I think I could have. The strongest decision, the most unselfish one. I'll be honest, I wanted to try everything to keep him alive. But keeping him alive would have been for me and not for him...he wouldn't be able to do anything. Never walk, talk, feel...what kind of life is that for me to choose for him? None. And thats why I just held him from the moment he was out, till the moment he died. I had him wrapped up on my chest so that he can hear my heartbeat and feel my warmth and I could feel the faint patter of his. His skin was transparent, you could see the blood pulsing through his veins. Some people might see that as scary or creepy but to me. He was beautiful. Everything about him, his big eyes and button nose, to his tiny little fingers and toes. The feeling of utter helplessness is a horrific feeling.

Today, wasn't all sad for me. I just remembered him as he was. I only have an hour of memories with him but it will last a lifetime. I have my daughter Zeraea. She helps on days like these. Just holding her makes the pain disappear. She is my whole heart. It's weird thinking she would have an older brother. But I am sure he would have been so great at it! He had a personality from the moment he made his presence known! I will always remember him and his father. Remember all the times leading up to him and after him, good and bad. I curse the person who made me lose him, but there is nothing I can do about it now. And feeling hate and anger does nothing to bring him back so, I have let go. I love you Zammie, more than you'll ever get to know. I miss you everyday. Even if god doesn't exist, it just makes me feel better thinking or hoping that there is someone with you and that you are in a great place. Mommy loves you.

And to David, though I know you will never see this...I am so sorry...I don't even know where to begin. Just know that I am sorry I didn't notice all your tries, I see them now. You were an amazing father, and friend, and honestly I miss it sometimes. I hope you are happy and all your dreams are coming true!